My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
