my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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