Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
