there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
