"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
