So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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