She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Of course I have a pirate flag
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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