i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
