Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
