The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
