Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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