Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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