Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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