I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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