I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
