I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
