nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
