And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
