Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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