Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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