If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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