a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
PANTIES FOUND
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
