wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
