idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
