We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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