u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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