cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
