Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
