so that wasnt chicken after all
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
