Can i not drive my cunt home
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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