On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
