So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
