Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
