Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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