The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
