In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
