so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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