It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
