I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
