she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it because I queefed?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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