So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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