And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
