Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
