I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
