I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
