Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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