I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
