Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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