I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You ruined the universe
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
