i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
