i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
