Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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