I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
