I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You ruined the universe
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
