So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
