And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
