Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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